BANE

In those moments where every other thing seems to fade, you remind me of the things I want to forget. Yet, I embrace the poise of my indignant duality, succumbing to the numbness, and paranoia that casts a shadow on my weary existence. I find no solace in the midst of this madness, the same furnace that once consumed me I have now made my dwelling. Your conceited ego harbours your selfish desires, unseen by the eyes. I look through you as my soul does the starry skies seeking resolve, but alas, you fill me only with grief, boundless as the waves of the desert.

My minds consciousness I suppress, my hearts most profound truths I deny, my body bears the marks of vicious torment caused by these very same hands that sought peace and yet, I lay here in awful melancholy. I have sought out propositions to fathom the lengths you would go, to understand why I was never good enough but no amount of recompense could ever dull that stain on my soul. I understand that we are alike, so much so that I know within you lays everything but a shred of benevolence.

I seek but truth where lies prevail, and desire nothing more than to let this pass. In the depths of my misery lay unending query’s; more aggressive as they linger at length. You take, and take, and take till all I am left with is this suffocating, nauseating thought of you. From the sun's first glimmers to the moons last embers, my mind, heart, and soul, fixate on this heavenly battle, and I become a stranger within this body. I feel myself fading away, sinking deeper into this subconscious state where I am numbed. Only in this epiphany do I come to realize the true nature of my being. “I do not belong here”.

When I lay myself to sleep, I feel the cold chill of the night graze my lips, the melody the wind plays as it charts its course through me, the radiant beauty of the crescent moon, and the cries of Mother Nature herself. I belong high above the clouds in the stars, where my soul is free in its true essence, I belong with the night sky where my mind is one and I belong in space, where the heavenly beings reside. I may have never been enough by you, but I will never fall victim again to the heart's desires. Never will I break the vow I now take to the heavens. I yearn for it all, but the ever rampant flames that ravish so heavily consume me wholly and all I can do is feed it and watch it burn.

You misconstrue my actions and pay no heed to my words and yet you bring forth that pitiful excuse as an offering of trust? I soliloquize in my final moments, recalling my previous life. As of now nothing remains; not a single thought of you, your smile, the scattered freckles cast upon your soft cheeks, or the reflection of the sun's radiance which bring out the hues in your eyes mimicking the calm of the ocean. Time is of essence, as is my presence. I know my place and I have let go, sinking ever so deep into the Bane of my existence.