INTO THE VOID

Here I stand,

In my final moments

On the brink of relapse,

The very edge. 

There is no light

On this dark path,

No peace,

No hope.

They say do not go back to what hurt you

It will make you weak

But this world hurts everyday

And I find myself in its midst.

In solitude, I talk to the dark

They echo silence.

In despair I offer tears to the pillows

But alas they do not thirst.

I am burning out

And fading all at once,

And maybe I am crazy, but at least I had the courage

To lose myself in something I truly wanted.

I am more than what they let me be

And yet I am not enough.

I am afraid, yet,

I have the courage I need to go through with this.

Maybe my heart needs more time

To accept what my mind already knows,

Maybe my soul does not understand

What my body knows now.

Here I stand,

Seeking calm

In the very same arms

That brought me chaos

I have held too many In my arms

In their darkest hours,

But in mine,

They let me sink into the abyss.

I am angry, but ever so grateful

Because even though they tried to burn me down,

They only showed me

How to light my own flame.

“Happiness is when going to sleep is no longer an escape”

Sure feels like 

I have been 

In the longest dream

Since I can remember.

I have found myself

In such places 

Where I would not even search

When I am lost.

“It is about who stays, not who promised”

Regrets,

Broken promises,

Suppressed trauma,

Regressive descent.

It is okay to disappear,

Until you feel like you again.

And although the dreams, I love,

The demons, they are my healing.