"SHE SAID"

She said; she said

I don’t want to do this anymore

I can’t seem to place myself

I can’t restart from scratch

She said, clasping her chest

Heartbeat; rabid pacing

Short breaths; inhale exhale

Cold hands; slip from their owner

She said, I can’t wait till it’s over

The madness within

Overwhelming fear

Paranoia

She said, I don’t want to hold back

Thoughts of you

Pictures embedded into my head

Memories of our entrails

She said, she said

I want to be happy

I want to know peace

I want to know you love me

She said; there was a time when all I needed

Was to know that you missed me

A moment when those three words

Could’ve brought me back into your arms

But now as I hear you utter those words

I can’t help but wonder if you miss me

Or the fact that I’m doing just fine without you

The fact that I didn’t come running back like you’d thought

She said, seeing how easy it was for you

To move on made it more difficult for me to let go

Even tho we weren’t together anymore

I kept looking back for you to show me that I at least meant something to you

But nothing was all I got

And consequently it gave me the strength to move on

So I’m sure you can imagine why I’m a bit clustered

as to why I have all these texts from you

She said; she said, I was fed up

Enough, enough to delete you from my life

My contacts, messages

But not enough to forget you

She said, I was hurt enough to convince my friends that I was done with you

But myself I couldn’t convince

I was mad enough to give back all your stuff

But not mad enough to discard my love for you

She said, I had to walk away

From you, from us

But a big part of me had hoped

That you were smart enough to win me back

She said, I wanted to miss you so bad

But I couldn’t think of anything worth missing

But I realized, everything I hoped to miss

We’re things I’d hoped you’d be but unfortunately, they were nothing that you were

She said, I want to punish you

For how you treated me

I want to help you realize

That there’s rubbish out there

The grass doesn’t get any greener

I want to walk away and make you realize

what you had,

Realize what you’d lost

But I’m scared

Too scared that while I’m trying

to teach you that lesson,

I could lose us forever

She said, it’s hard to lay alone

After months of laying up next to you

It’s hard, having to pick up

Pieces that I didn’t break

Hard to tell myself I’ll be fine

Because I want to be

And because I don’t want to be that girl

Stuck in this hurting phase for too long

It’s hard to hear your name after months

Of trying to be over you

Hard to care about what else could be out there for me;

and even harder to love when loving is what did this to me.

M.G.T