“SOLITUDE”

I can’t remember,

Our happiness, our pain

I can’t seem to access those memories

Not even ones that went astray

I think back to previous days;

Long conversations on the phone

Deep thoughts on the bed

Soul gazing with bare glares

Where’d the time go?

What happened to our happy ever after

What’s with this gaping hole I feel in my chest

Why doesn’t it ever seem to go away

When will it end?

The torment of constantly being discarded

Continuously tossed aside like I don’t matter

Repeatedly broken down by those I hoist up

How can I learn to love again

When all I’ve known is hate,

Mistrust, pain, agony, anger,

Frustration, abuse, pity, loathing; depression?

I want to live

But I can’t help but feel I’m not alive

I want to breathe

But I can’t help but gasp for air time and time again

Do you know how much it hurts

To be someone’s backup choice

Constantly being used as a tool?

A bare medium to acquire “better”?

You promised we’d go through it

“Together” you said!

I trusted you

I believed you

Was that how you felt when you said

You fucked up?

Well I did something worse

I listened to my heart and trusted you

My heart, my ego, my pride, and ambition

I gave it all up to meet you halfway

But it was never enough was it?

I was never enough.